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objawy obsesji samplerowo-syntezatorowej

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PostWysłany: 25-01-2008 18:39    Temat postu: objawy obsesji samplerowo-syntezatorowej Odpowiedz z cytatem

You Know You've Been Hanging Around Synths and Samplers Too Long When....

1. You not only tap in time to the indicators on your car, but know how
many BPM they flash at.

2. You go to hear an orchestra with your girlfriend, and while she
listens to the beautiful music, you calculate the polyphony required to
reproduce it.

3. You are sure you can hear the loop points at a choir recital.

4. In addition to your in and out trays at work, you also have one
marked 'thru'.

5. Last Christmas you synced your Christmas tree lights to your TB-303.

6. The accelerator on your car has aftertouch.

7. You've dialed the phone number 1-303-808-9091 just to see what

8. Your cat's name is Octave.

9. You've look for a midi in out and thru on a Yamaha motorcycle.

10. You expect the cutoff frequency of your door to change when you turn
the knob...

11. You wake up every night at 3:03 AM. (Er..wait a sec...most of us
don't go to bed until well past 5...-R)

12. You find an immaculate Moog modular at a garage sale for $500, but
you turn it down because the wood is slightly the wrong shade of

13. Your girlfriend/wife drapes a wig over your favorite synth to
remind you what she looks like.

14. You step out of your studio and realize that your family moved and
you don't have a clue when it happened.

15. You have "Frequency" and "Resonance" tattooed above your nipples.
(Don't ask where the pitchbend is...-R)

16. You don't worry about temperature instabilities in your older gear:
you never turn it off.

17. Your wife says communication is important in a marriage..so you buy
her her own synth and some CV/Gate leads.

18. You hear thunder and sit there marveling at how clean the low pass

19. Your daughter's first name is Polly. Her middle name is Six.

20. Your wedding song was "Still..You Turn Me On"

21. Your bathroom library consists entirely of old Keyboard magazines.

22. Your daughter's new boyfriend has tattoos, rides a Harley, and
doesn't have a job. But you don't mind because his name is Roland.

23. Your telephone answering machine message took 2 days to write and

24. There is no couch, coffee table, dinner table or chairs in your
apartment; only racks, mixers, keyboards, cables and power cords.

25. You have bass bins for end tables.

26. It is dangerous to walk around in your own living room at night.
(See 24)

27. There's a giant yellow ball in the sky, and your not quite sure what
it is, but when you go outside it burns out you retinas and makes your
skin glow.

28. You can write a "mouth" 303 line over absolutely any beat, from any
genre of music.

29. You can effectively scan classifieds/musical instruments in under a

30. You wait until 12:01 A.M. to read the on-line music classified ads.

31. You are best friends with all the owners of pawn shops in your local
area, even though you really hate them.

32. When turning the hot / cold knobs on your sink gets exciting.
Looking for that "perfect" mix...

33. You never answer the phone. (Hmm...I wonder if it's to get people to
listen to the answering message you spent so much time on in 23? -R)

34. Your best friends have knobs and sliders.

35. When all your significant other has to say, "Oh no, not another one"
and you know what they're talking about.

36. If you just like to sit in the dark and watch all the pretty lights
blink and glow.

37. If you perk-up on Sundays when you hear the word "Prophet".

38. You would rather fiddle with your synthesizer's knobs than fiddle
with your girlfriend's/wife's knobs.

39. Somehow, you haven't been able to budget for clothes for 2+ years,
but you have found thousands of dollars to buy gear.

40. Your girlfriend/wife goes to bed, You go to your STUDIO.

41. Your friends say "Why would you pay $XXX for that piece of crap?"
and you glare back and actually get offended...

42. You can tell the difference between 12dB/24dB filters by ear...

43. You prefer "analog" instead of "digital" home appliances because
'they just work better '

44. A friend tells you about "some old synth" he's had for years. He
thinks its a moooooog or whatever, and you go to his house and its just
an old pump organ.

45. Working feverishly late in your studio, you convince yourself you
can stay awake longer, and maybe get an early night later on. This
falls apart around 4PM, and you wake up around 7PM bleary eyed, and
realize there's a new cigarette burn on your mixer, the computer crashed
2 hours ago, and you have "GOOMYROMEM" tattooed on your forehead

46. You start wondering if you can obtain a 24 db neural implant to
filter your ever-increasing tinnitus problem.

47. You devise a method of connecting your CV sequencer to a mains relay
to trigger the kettle every 1,024 gate pulses

48. You replace your doorbell/phone ringer with that unwell MC202 you
vowed you would fix 11 months ago. At least there's some variety now.

49. Every piece of clothing you own has a synth manufacturers logo on
it. You scam them for free every trade show you attend. This allows more
money for the important things in life.

50. Your wife/girlfriend leaves you. You go into a depression for a
while, then decide you can win her back with a simple, touching and
heartfelt song, written especially for her. 6 months later, you are
still mixing it.

51. You go to a trade show. You rush over to the brand new synth on
display, fiddle for 5 minutes, declare it "a piece of crap" and then go
on to tell the company reps how it works, where the PCM samples came
from, and offer to do them better samples from your own analog
wardrobes, all in a very loud voice. They give you an embroidered tour
jacket on the condition that you go away NOW. (see 49)

53. Synth manufacturers call YOU for technical support.

54. First thing you think of after sex is turning on your synths.

55. You're dancing at a party, and all of a sudden you want to go home
and try to recreate the 303 line you just heard on a record... on your
modular synth.

56. You get excited about talking electronic toys and try to subvert
them into saying bad words or doing weird stuff so you can sample them.

57. You dream of finding a $50.00 Moog 55 at a garage sale, and after
you've thought of it, you stop at every one you see!

58. You carry around a picture of your modular in your wallet to show

59. You convince your wife to have your bathroom floor re-tiled in black
and white.

60. Your monthly power bill is always in the triple digits.

61. You have a rack-mounted microwave oven.

62. Your neighbors constantly ask your wife about "that noise" coming
from your house.

63. Your Doctor is treating you for "2600 elbow"

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